Title: Don't Be Silly
Author:
Recipient: alexandripearl
Pairing: Harry/Luna, Ron/Draco, Blaise/Hermione
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~17,300
Warnings: highlight between brackets if you prefer story warnings: [contains: gender-bending, UST, fisting, rimming, felching]
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: Whilst investigating a new drug ring, Aurors Harry & Ron find themselves in America... and in other peoples' bodies.
Author's Notes: With thanks to my Brit-picker, beta, and books 4 through 7. My bunny took off on this one, so I hope you don't mind that I just let it hop away. Happy Summersmut!



* * * * * *


It started innocuously enough. There was a Daily Prophet story about an oddly fortunate wizard and witch. One had discovered a new spell that helped cure spattergroit, and the other had successfully achieved pregnancy after decades of trying at the ripe age of 50. The Prophet sometimes printed such 'feel-good' stories during dry patches where more noteworthy news was not occurring.


Ron noticed it since the mention of spattergroit caught his attention. He smiled, remembering the year spent hunting horcruxes whilst the ghoul in the attic of the Burrow had pretended to be him suffering spattergroit. He kept the issue of the Prophet in his work drawer where he put items he found of interest that were not related to active criminal cases.


It was not until a spate of similar stories began to proliferate, that he thought do a bit more investigating. He ordered back copies of the weekly edition of the Prophet to pore over whilst Harry was assigned to research the new and highly popular concoction called Prophecy Potion.


The potion seemed to be making people ill, but they kept buying it anyway, hoping to improve their fortunes. None of the sick victims would speak with him about the potion, who they got it from or where they had purchased it.


When they compared notes, Harry and Ron soon discovered that some of the sick victims were those who had been publicised in the Prophet as having a streak of good luck. Trying to ask them about the coincidence seemed to make the victims even more ill and they were at a stalemate in their case.


They finally got their lucky break when Draco Malfoy was caught returning from a trip to the American states with a satchel full of bottles of Prophecy Potion.


* * * * * *


"Admit it, Malfoy. You're the lynch-pin. You're the one bringing this poison into the country."


The blond lifted a brow at the red-headed Auror and displayed his contempt with a slight quirk of the corner of his lip.


"You know we're allowed to use Veritaserum in the course of an investigation, particularly on suspects caught with contraband or exhibiting suspicious behaviour."


"Drop dead, Potter. Oh, wait, that's the one thing you don't do, is it?" Draco sniffed his disdain. "I bet you're part vampire."


"Fine. Veritaserum it is," Harry said flatly, not bothering to display his own disdain. This was just another case to him, regardless of the criminal's name or past history.


"I believe you will find, if you bother to check your case files on the Malfoy family, that we have a Ministry representative on retainer, as well as a non-incrimination geis put in place by Minister Spavin for my great-grandfather Spinius and his heirs in perpetuity."


"He's right."


Harry started as the Minister himself stepped into the room, dark eyes taking in Malfoy and expressing a hint of disquiet as he looked to the two Aurors.


"Minister?"


Shacklebolt nodded to Harry and indicated the corridor with his chin. Harry nodded back and stood up.


"You stay with him, Ron."


His friend nodded and Harry stepped back out of the room with the Minister of Magic.


"What is it, sir?"


"Malfoy is quite correct -- his family is under protection set in place with blood magic and a great deal of discretionary funding. You cannot question him. You can only charge him, then let him go."


"That's outrageous!"


"I agree, but there is little I can do about it, Harry."


"He was caught bringing the potion into the country!"


"I'm quite aware of that."


"Sorry, sir, it's just... outrageous."


"Yes."


"Well... what can we do?"


Shacklebolt sighed. "It's not strictly aboveboard."


Harry scowled. "The entire Malfoy family is not aboveboard. I've no problem if it will help us find the potion supplier and get this crap out of other victims' hands."


"Then... we will go back in the room, I will apologise, I have little doubt Auror Weasley will splutter at what he perceives as an injustice, and whilst he raises a perfect distraction, you will cast a Dubious-class wandless tracking charm on Draco, then you and Mr. Weasley will follow him."


"Sir, that sort of charm will only last for two days."


"Yes, but it's undetectable to those who use Dark Magic to uncover tracking spells," Shacklebolt intoned meaningfully.


Harry nodded unhappily. "It's just such a small window of opportunity."


"Then you'd best hope you can catch him at something chargeable before the Wizengamot during the next two days, Harry."


* * * * * *


"Tell me again, Harry, why we're crouched here in this rhubarb?"


Harry sighed. He loved Ron like a brother, but when it came to patience and stealth, he only possessed it when it came to chess.


"Just watch him. You can see better than I can."


"It's ruddy hot here." Ron wiped his sweaty brow with the back of his hand, then brightened, looking over at Harry. "What say after this we scare up Hermione and go for a drink? She and Blaise don't live far from here."


Harry considered this as he tried to keep an eye on Draco who was currently walking along a dirt road next to the field they were hiding in.


"I'm sure she'd be glad to see us, Ron, but once we get Draco, we have to take him back to England."


Ron scowled. "We're not taking him anywhere if he doesn't do anything. He's just taking a stroll, calm as you plea--"


The two Aurors gasped as Draco Malfoy suddenly began to sparkle and then disappeared.


* * * * * *


"Sounds rather like the transporter effect on Star Trek," Hermione mused.


Ron and Blaise Zabini both looked puzzled. Harry rolled his eyes.


"Yeah, well, he didn't say 'beam me up' or anything, Hermione. He just vanished. We tried various detection spells, but there was no sign of him. It's like he vanished off the face of the Earth."


"No one vanishes off the face of the Earth, Potter," Zabini drawled, getting up now to freshen his drink. He held it up in silent enquiry. Ron nodded eagerly, glad to rid his throat of the dry, parched feeling it had since his arrival in Southern California.


The two perplexed Aurors had made their way to the Zabini's place, a huge modern building that, to the Muggles that traversed Los Angeles' Chinatown area, appeared to be a broken down, boarded up manufacturing building. Inside and within the illusory spells, it was the best that Blaise's multimillion galleon industries could offer, a charmingly eclectic mix of Muggle technology and Wizarding magic and space.


"He's right," Hermione agreed, shaking her head and smiling at her husband even as she leaned back and placidly placed her hands over her burgeoning belly. She was eight months pregnant and looked enormous to both her old Housemates.


"He must have seen us," Harry said flatly, annoyed. "I bet he's tipping off his supplier and there it goes, our case down the drain and no way to stop this rubbishy potion from coming into England."


* * * * * *


"Were you seen?"


Draco shook his head, blissfully unaware of having been followed since he left England.


"Good. I've read the Prophet, you know. These cases are most unfortunate. I don't want anything drawing attention to my demesnes."


Malfoy fought to keep from rolling his eyes. Her grandiloquent speech was one of the things he didn't care for about Sybill Trelawney, but she had given him the means to return his family's fortune, and more importantly, she was family herself, if distantly related, and so he tried to always treat her with respect and attentiveness.


"Don't worry. The geis is holding. No one is telling the Aurors anything, and if they try, they'll get too sick to say anything." Draco surveyed the view from the huge deck of Trelawney's rambling farmhouse and sighed in satisfaction. The fields were full of her livelihood, gypsum weed, a noxious and dangerous plant to Muggles, with a surprising benefit to witches, as Trelawney had discovered. The weed was the main component of the potion that was causing so much harm back in English Wizarding World.


There was also, Draco knew, a fair proportion of poppy and cannabis planted in the fields; after all, the wards he had helped set up kept all Muggles away and that included their own law enforcement. Trelawney's initial visions proved undeniably true and she had capitalised on them, or she would once the plants grew.


It had all started when she had taken a vacation to a place the Muggles called the Magic Kingdom. Out of curiosity and also because there had been a very good travel special, she had wound up in a rather tacky tourist trap made of resin facades and consisting of long lines to get on ridiculous contraptions the Muggles called rides.


She had met a pair of dazed young Muggle boys resting on a park bench who both seemed well into the beyond. She could sense they were already experiencing visions and had asked them what they could see.


This encounter had led to them selling her a bit of a plant that she did not recognise, but which changed her entire perspective. One chew on one leaf had led her to an undirected vision of such clarity and duration that she knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she had never had a proper vision in her life until that moment. Prophecies, yes, but she knew now that she had no true vision.


It had humbled and shamed her, but it had also led her to clear her Gringott's account and purchase a wide tract of rather arid land that the Muggles tended to avoid where the weed grew like mad.


There she had done as her vision had bidden and planted poppy and cannabis amongst the plant known to Muggles as gypsum or jimson weed. She had contacted Draco Malfoy, who was still struggling to regain his family's fortune after the Ministry had cleaned out their coffers declaring it war reparations, and helped give him a healthy head start in exchange for his assistance.


He had gotten invaluable tips on investing in Muggle commodities. His investments had swiftly ballooned to amounts he could readily exchange, and Trelawney had gained a distributor, a potion maker, and a security agent all in one. He had helped her establish herself and, when the gypsum proved to be only a temporary vision-inducer, had gotten the idea to advertise offering help to unfortunate young women in exchange for inducing their visions with the Prophecy Potion Draco had come up with, and directing their prognostications toward her own needs.


The potion did not work on wizards; it made them very ill. Unfortunately, the potion also stopped working on a witch, usually after three applications, when, she had learnt the hard way, it also made them very ill. Fortunately, Draco had helped her recover, and she had told him to warn buyers against overuse.


She eventually learnt that most Muggles avoided the weed and that only some risk takers tried it, but many grew violently ill in the same way wizards did.


The geis on all purchases kept them from saying where they got it, and Draco did not feel it was necessary to give more than the warning against overuse when he gave the potions to Goyle to sell. He knew, after all, that to most, a few sound prophecies would be worth the risk of illness. He also wanted to work on making the potion stronger; after all, the visions were a limited resource and it seemed best to get the most for their effort.


"How is your mother, dear boy?"


He sighed. "Happy enough in Paris. They don't plan to come back to England. They've rather soured on the whole community there, and their friends..."


He ceased speaking, looking out into the fields with a sharp expression, hiding his grief.


He was startled to feel her hand against his shoulder and when he turned, he was even more surprised to find her standing so close.


She said nothing as she brought him to her shoulder, but he accepted her gesture without complaint or suspicion. She had proved her worth to him a thousand times over so far as he was concerned. She had helped him regain his family fortune and, perhaps, soon his parents might change their mind and return. Maybe things would be as they had been.


The image of Crabbe's fear-stricken face slipped into his mind and he winced. So much had changed since the war, since Voldemort - perhaps, too much.


"I worry about you, boy," she said now as she pulled back to smile up at him. "You are often in my thoughts. In fact, I used you as a focus for my morning Tarot spread. I asked the Three Fates about your future."


"Oh, Sybill..."


"No, listen. I drew the Devil, which means you have been seduced by the dark side of luxury. You must not cling so to the physical -- it is the spiritual which is of most importance!"


He nodded, listening, although he was less apt to believe her pronouncements than he was the readings she obtained from the wayward young witches who came to her in need of money and other assistance.


"The second card was the High Priestess -- two Major cards in succession! It is clearly a warning. You are about to meet a mystical woman, pure and full of wisdom. Perhaps another seer who possesses esoteric knowledge."


"What was the third card -- my future?"


"The King of Cups. Favourable indeed, if one has the wisdom to listen!"


"What does that mean?"


"You will be influenced by someone with a deep knowledge of human nature. You must listen to this person, try to understand what is at the heart of them. You may even partner with them. They will become beloved to you, Draco."


He could not avoid rolling his eyes.


"Yes, well. My parents would love to see me marry and give them heirs, but..." He shrugged uncomfortably.


Trelawney's smile was kind as she patted his shoulder.


"I know, my boy, I know. Just remember what I told you during my second vision."


He nodded.


"Yes. My happiness is more important to them than any heirs." He sighed again, and then smiled at her ruefully. "Good thing, I'm thinking, since at this rate, it's unlikely I'll ever give them any."


She studied him, and then finally nodded agreement, glad to see that at least he was no longer bitter or despondent. She firmly believed it was his pain that had called to her when she had first tried to capitalise on her initial vision, and the reason their seemingly unlikely partnership had worked so successfully thus far.


* * * * * *


"Honestly, Harry -- tell me again why we're crouched here in the rhubarb?"


Harry sighed, trying to keep watch on the area where Draco had vanished before their eyes the day before. He whispered, "Shush, Ron. We don't want them to know we're here."


"We're Disillusioned!" Ron hissed angrily, only to be suddenly struck on the back of the head. "OW!"


"Oh! Is there someone there?"


Harry turned to find Luna Lovegood blinking at the blank space where Ron was seated, dazed, having dropped his wand into the dirt when the huge metal-rimmed net Luna held had smacked him in the head.


"Luna!"


"Oh, are you under your cloak, Harry?"


"Hang on." He quickly cancelled the spell to stand before her, surprised. "What are you doing here?"


"I'm searching for the Horny Speckled North American Numdinger. They're related to the European humdingers, you know." She pointed to her sparkly trainers and said, "I muffled my shoes so as not to surprise them."


Ron found his wand and removed his own spell to glare up at her. She smiled.


"Oh, hello, Ron! I didn't know you were here, too."


"You nearly cracked my head open," he complained.


"I thought you were a Numdinger. They make hissing sounds."


"More like a numbskull," Harry muttered under his breath, annoyed. All his work and it might be for nought as now they were all clearly visible and there was no way of telling who or what might be watching for them in this isolated area. He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand and fought the urge to scratch or rub at it.


"I'm sorry if I interrupted you. Are you on a case?"


"Yeah, and now our cover is ruined," Ron said, finally standing.


"Oh, don't be silly!" She smiled at Ron brightly, oblivious to his glare. "We're all well concealed."


Harry frowned. "What do you mean?"


"There's an Immutable Charm about--" she lifted the medallion around her neck and studied it. "--fifteen yards away. Whoever is behind it can't see or hear us."


"Luna, what is that?"


She lifted a brow at Harry, clearly surprised. "Don't you Aurors have these? Daddy gave me this one. He used it all the time when he went on expeditions. It's a Revelatory Detectatori."


Harry studied it. It looked like nothing so much as a map of Ireland with small inset jewels. An amber jewel was blinking near Belfast.


"Never heard of that before. What does it do?"


"I told you. It's a Revelatory Detectatori. It reveals the presence of any concealment charms, wards, curses, invisibility cloaks, poisons or untruths. The only trouble is, this one was made a hundred and forty seven years ago so it doesn't always notice the presence of things like the Disillusion spell, which was created only 80 years ago. It sometimes misreads situations, too."


"The Immutable Charm. Can that doohickey tell you who put it in place and how far it extends?"


She rolled her eyes at Ron. "Of course not. It only tells me it exists. It's a very stable, long-term charm, which means--"


"--blood magic was used to create it," Harry finished, scowling.


Luna nodded, unperturbed. "There's also some other form of ward in place I can't identify. The ruby flashes but so does the topaz, which could mean two different spells. It can also mean the Revelatory Detectatori is trying to make orange, which indicates a spell that can affect you physically and spiritually. That happened to my father once just before he was hit with an Avegotchi curse."


"What's that?"


"It put him into one of those Muggle metal boxes with wires & such. Commuter boxes?"


"You mean computer," Harry corrected.


"Possibly, but commuters carry them. Anyway, he had to live in it until the spell wore off and it was horrible. He had to rely on the Muggle to feed him and sometimes she forgot. Other times she wanted to chat at him and play games when he was sleeping."


"That doesn't sound good," Harry admitted, moving slowly toward the area where Draco had first disappeared. "How close am I to the ward? Can you tell?"


"I wouldn't take another step," Luna said brightly. She and Ron both joined Harry in looking at the area. There was nothing to mark it as different from their surroundings. Her medallion suddenly flashed bright red and she grabbed Harry by the arm and pulled him away from where a well-clad leg and arm was suddenly appearing.


Unfortunately, he stumbled and pushed them both directly against Ron, who fell against the startled and emerging Draco, all four suddenly flaring with bright vermilion light which slowly faded, leaving the quartet unconscious on the dusty ground.


* * * * * *


Harry slowly woke, annoyed at someone's hair in his face which he spit out as he shook his head.


"Take it easy."


He blinked, wondering with whom Draco was talking. He finally looked up only to find the worst had happened -- Draco was holding Ron at wand point!


He felt for his wand and was chagrined to see it in the dirt... next to his body.


He stared, stunned, and then looked back to Draco and Ron who watched him with curiosity.


Draco spoke. "Harry? Or Luna?"


Harry's body stirred at this and he watched himself raise a hand to rub at his head and murmur, "Yes?"


His body froze, cleared its throat and then blinked up at him, eyes wide.


"Harry?"


He nodded, suddenly horrified. He made himself look down. He was wearing Luna's clothes. He touched his arm and chest and looked back at his body, which was obviously housing Luna.


"I'm you." His eyes grew wide at the soothing, gentle sound of his voice.


She nodded. "Yes."


She began to stand, looking a bit awkward, then, to his embarrassment, she reached for his crotch and adjusted things.


"How strange. These bits of yours seem to get in the way when I move."


Draco smirked and Ron smiled, rolling his eyes slightly, and Harry knew instantly he had misconstrued the situation. He looked now at Draco.


"Ron?"


Draco's body nodded and Harry sighed.


"Bloody hell."


Somehow those words sounded very wrong coming from Luna's mouth, but it was an apt summation of events.


* * * * * *


"We can't go back like this!"


Harry well understood Ron's reservations, but he felt guilty disobeying Kingsley.


Luna spoke before he could, though. "Don't be silly, Ron. It's just some form of Switching Spell. They're not permanent."


"You can't hold me like this, you know," Draco suddenly asserted.


"Shut up, Malfoy," he and Ron chorused, which was odd when coming from Draco's and Luna's mouths.


Hermione tittered, watching the mismatched quartet with no small amusement.


They had arrived at her and Blaise's home in a panic. They managed to make clear their predicament before an amused and harried Blaise suggested they all head to his business headquarters to finish their discussion. He had work to see to, but he also did not wish to leave the mess in the hands of his very pregnant and easily tired wife, no matter how practical and capable she might be.


Thanks to the possibility of magical backlash due to the fact the Switching Spell had not been consensually applied, they could not currently Floo, but the magical community in the Western United States did not often use the Floo to travel anyway -- they used helicopters. They were Muggle helicopters, but did not use petrol and the spinning blades were illusory, flying by use of a pre-cast spell that also guided and landed the copter with the touch of a wand and verbal command.


It was simply the easiest way for them to commute quickly and without question amongst the Muggles. Most American wizards and witches had cars as well, which also did not run on gas, but were magically powered for shorter jaunts. The magicked cars did not fly, in answer to Ron's question, which seemed to disappoint him.


Harry, Ron, Draco and Luna had never been in a helicopter and were suitably impressed by the experience.


The Zabini Import/Export Company resided near the Muggle sewage treatment plant in El Segundo, California. It was an area of land avoided by Muggles for obvious reasons, and protected from the unpleasant scents of their neighbours via use of judiciously applied spells. The area was large and otherwise unbothered and it was where Zabini Import/Export Company thrived. Of course, the fact Blaise's fleet was docked and traversed under the water also helped preserve the beauty of the ocean view which they all could enjoy.


It was the view of the sun over the water that held Luna in thrall. Stuck in Harry's body, she exuded a calm relaxation his friends had rarely seen in him as she perched on the railing outside and stared at the ocean. Hermione smiled at the sight before turning back to Luna's body, wherein Harry resided and was currently snarling -- a strange sight, indeed -- at Ron.


"You know something about this, about the spell that did this, so it behoves you to spill it."


Draco lifted a red brow, something Ron had never done in Harry's memory, and drawled, "Why? I'm in no hurry. I'm still in a male body, even if it does have the most hideous hair."


"Shut it, you!" Ron's complaint came out in Draco's whiniest tone, which made both Harry and Hermione wince. Draco, in Ron's body, was startled.


"Do I really sound like that?"


"Worse," Hermione retorted, carefully stepping up, rather more like waddling in her advanced condition, to lay a gentle hand on Harry/Luna's arm. "Harry. You might want to sit. That ankle needs tending."


He looked down, wincing again at the sight of the many-layered skirt and gauzy peasant blouse Luna wore, to the swelling, slightly purple ankle she had turned during their fall. His hand reached up in an automatic gesture to slide his spectacles up and he jabbed his cheek instead.


"Great. I'll never get used to this" Still, he allowed himself to be led to the large, leather couch where Hermione urged him to put his foot up and called for a servant, a human one, to bring an ice bag.


"Once the swelling is down a bit, you can have a mild healing potion. That doesn't have any magical plants in it, and shouldn't cause a magical backlash."


"I can deal with it," Harry insisted, a bit annoyed. "I was hoping you'd turn some of that vast intelligence of yours to our other problem, namely being in the wrong bodies."


Hermione sighed. "Do you know the spell used?"


Ron's voice interrupted, but in Draco's supercilious tones, "It's not permanent, if that's what Miss Potter is worried about, although, I'd think he'd appreciate the improvement."


"Why you--"


"Draco," Hermione interjected sweetly. "If you can't find it in yourself to be civil, I might find merit in Auror Potter and Weasley's suggestion of caging you... as a ferret, magical backlash or no magical backlash."


His mouth quirked and Draco sneered, but subsided as Ron, in his own body, chuckled.


"Now. How long does it last?"


Draco sighed and relented. "It's a three day spell. It reverts on its own. Best left alone with, too, because of the layers of spells we built into it."


"We? So you are working with someone else?"


"I'm not saying anything more. And what I did say is not under oath, so you can't use it against me or anyone else."


"You--"


Hermione placed a hand on Harry's arm in a gentling gesture. "Harry. You got the most pertinent information you wanted regarding your situation. The other can wait, can it not?"


He considered this, even as a young Asian servant stepped into the room and handed Hermione an ice bag and left. She gently placed it on his impossibly thin leg over his improbably large, bruised ankle and he finally sighed, nodding.


* * * * * *


Luna sat watching the water. It was so strange to not be able to see without spectacles. She was not sure if she liked the weight of the metal and glass on the bridge of her nose, it was very distracting. How did Harry manage?


After some time, she felt a heavy pressure between her legs, as well. She thought at first it was her bollocks, or rather Harry's -- he had surprisingly large bollocks for such a small man -- but realised it was an erection coupled with the urge to urinate. She levered herself up, glad to see the robes he wore covered the bulging crotch of his pants. How did men deal with unwanted erections?


As she passed through the room where Draco in Ron's body was napping, snoring loudly, Hermione and Ron in Draco's body were both looking at a map. Harry sat with an ice bag on her body's leg and called over to her.


"How are you doing, Luna?"


"Fine, except I have to pee," she admitted with a slightly self-effacing smile, which looked rather odd on Harry's face.


He flushed red, turning Luna's face a very bright pink shade. "Oh."


"Don't be silly, Harry. I'll treat your penis very carefully."


Harry groaned as she headed in the direction of the hallway.


"Best get used to it, mate," Ron opined after she had left. "We're in it for the next three days. Besides, it's not so bad, at least you're not in the body of someone who hates you."


"Yeah, well. I'd rather not be in a woman's body. No offence, Hermione."


She shrugged, unbothered. "It's really not that big a deal, Harry. Look at this as a learning experience. I mean, isn't that one of the reasons Ginny asked for a divorce -- you refusing to try things like this with her?"


Ron nodded, making Draco look a bit dim. "Yeah, she mentioned that at one of the holiday breaks. You wouldn't even try a simple Swapping Spell with her she said."


"Ron! That's private!"


"Oh, come on, Harry, you're family, or you were. It's not that big a deal."


"It's perverted!"


"Oh, Harry, it's no such thing."


"Yeah, mate," Ron added, looking oddly wise in Draco's guise. "Most couples do it."


"Oh, yeah? So you'd let your wife swap bodies and fuck you," he demanded now, nettled.


"Why not?" They all turned as Blaise Zabini swept into the room. He moved up to his wife and kissed her gently, before putting his arm around her and looking archly at Potter in Lovegood 's body. "It's not harmful. What better way for a man to learn how to make love to his wife properly? To learn where she is most sensitive and where a firmer touch might be called for? My mother always said no man could be a proper lover until he had undertaken that spell."


Hermione nodded. "Yes, I would agree. There is simply no comparison for learning. Really, there's nothing for you to be upset about, Harry. It's a very loving thing for a couple to do. It's not dirty at all. It encourages intimacy and the knowledge gained is priceless."


Harry scowled, which looked very odd on Luna's face. "So I take it you do that?"


Blaise straightened, looking very haughty. "Of course. I insisted on it for our honeymoon. How better to learn to please my beautiful wife?"


Hermione smiled up at him, clearly besotted. "I have zero complaints. There really is nothing better."


Ron sighed. "I'd love to have someone to share that spell with."


"You already do," snarled Harry nastily, looking at the sleeping Draco.


"Hey!"


"Would the lot of you pipe down and let a man rest?"


"Oh, shut it, Malfoy!"


* * * * * *


Luna closed her eyes and tried again, but to no avail. Her penis was much too hard to allow her to pee.


She had unbuttoned Harry's jeans and pushed the robes back. She had expected to have to peel back his foreskin to pee, as her father had once told her boys did, but this knowledge did not seem to apply, as Harry did not seem to have one.


His penis was very thick and very red. It was also refusing to empty his bladder. She squeezed tightly on that muscle inside and only felt a pain for her effort so she stopped.


The only ways she had heard of to make a boy's erection go down was either masturbation or a cold shower. Since she could not take a shower, she decided to try the first option.


Her hand dragged uncomfortably on the tight skin, though, when she stroked, and she found herself looking for something to use to smooth the way. An ornate bottle of skin lotion stood on the countertop by the taps and she got a bit and applied it to her erection.


That felt wonderful! She smiled, stroking more on it and gripping her penis tightly, shuddering each time her thumb rolled over the broad, red glans.


Her other hand moved down to ease the slight tension in her bollocks and she gasped, gripping them gently and squeezing. Her hand moved harder now and faster as she fondled her bollocks.


She suddenly realised she was thrusting her hips into her fist, effectively fucking her hand, and that she was about to come and it might make a mess.


She was too far gone to stop, however, and she suddenly felt her hips jolt, her bollocks tightened and her head fell back as she gasped and moaned and the most intense feeling she had ever felt shot like electricity through her genitals. It went on and on, and she could feel her hand getting wet, but could not stop.


Soon it was over, and she could feel her cock twitching in her hand, and opened her eyes to find she had sprayed semen all over the counter and mirror and taps. She sighed, washing her hands, then using Harry's wand to Evanesco all the spunk away.


Suddenly she felt the urgent need to go again and hurried to the toilet where she was relieved to find her cock was relaxed enough to finally able to pee. A bit of it got on the seat until she figured out how to aim, but the rest got in the toilet and she sighed with relief.


* * * * * *


"So we're agreed then. You will have our hospitality for the next three days until the spell wears off--"


"I'm being held illegally," Draco muttered, interrupting Blaise while managing to make Ron's face look exceedingly sullen.


"No, you're not," Ron responded waspishly, which looked and sounded very Draco indeed. "There were and are extenuating circumstances involving spell damage which had to be seen to first."


"Details. I'll be very surprised if our family solicitors don't have your jobs over this debacle."


"Shut it, Malfoy," Harry finally sneered, a sight that looked very strange coming from Luna's normally placid face. "We know damn well the Malfoy family finances were tapped out. You can't afford a solicitor."


"You obviously have old information," Draco responded in an unsuccessful attempt at a silky tone; Ron's throat would not provide it, merely sounding congested.


"If you would let me finish," Blaise suggested calmly, providing the silky tone with ease which Draco had failed to achieve. "You will have our hospitality until the spell wears off and then one of my ships will ferry you back to England."


"We could Floo," Harry suggested. "Quicker and I'd like to get this creep into custody as soon as I can."


Hermione and Draco/Ron both shook their heads.


She spoke pedantically. "You need a few days to re-acclimate after that spell, Harry. It's not like the Switching Spell which is benign. You were actually cursed into switching places and there are sometimes side effects for a day or so after."


"You would pick a nasty spell," Harry said accusingly to Ron's body where Draco glared at him looking very like the way Ron had in fourth year when he'd thought Harry had put his own name in the Goblet of Fire. "Slytherin."


"Why thank you," he and Blaise both smiled proudly.


The rest rolled their eyes, except for Luna who was calmly eating her fried duck with chow fun using Harry's wand as one of her chopsticks.


"Well, we won't sit on our backsides, we're going to keep working on the case," Harry insisted, glaring at Draco. "Otherwise we'll have nothing to show for it when we get back."


"Like always?" Draco's sneer made Harry want to get up and smack him. Fortunately Ron beat him to it.


"Ow!"


* * * * * *


"Better, Harry?"


Harry/Luna nodded up at Hermione as she assessed the ankle, now no longer swollen, if still a bit purple.


"Yeah, but that healing potion tasted terrible."


"Well, I can't use magic, not directly on you, so it's the best we can do."


"I appreciate it, Hermione," Luna/Harry said brightly, looking over her shoulder at the work.


"No trouble." She turned to look at her husband.


Blaise had grudgingly placed an inventory tracker on Draco/Ron. Since magic used directly on them was not a good idea thanks to the curse, Muggle means would have to suffice. Hence, he now wore a thick plastic band around his ankle that could only be removed by the Zabini company dock master in England.


"How can I bathe properly with that thing on?"


"What makes you think I want you handling my naked body?" Ron/Draco demanded. "You can bathe when we get back home."


"Thank you for clearing up a long held suspicion of mine -- I always knew Weasleys didn't bother bathing."


"Why you--"


"Boys!" Hermione managed to look rather like McGonagall in her stance, arms crossed and face set with her hair swept up off her neck -- or rather, a McGonagall who was eight months pregnant. The sight was enough to make the combatants stop fighting.


"You will behave yourselves in my home or else I will confiscate wands, am I clear?"


"Yes, Mummy," murmured Draco sullenly. Then Ron smacked the back of his head. "Ow!"


"I mean it, Ron," she glared at Ron/Draco who sighed, looking vexed. "As for bathing, Ron, you can't expect Draco to avoid bathing until you get your body back, it's not practical or healthy. Same for Harry and Luna."


Harry groaned, an odd sound coming from Luna, but Luna merely nodded, making Harry appear industrious and a bit dim-witted.


"That reminds me. I need to talk to you, Harry," Luna said. He nodded at her and she gestured to the deck. He got up and made his way there, gratified to be able to put weight on the ankle again.


"What is it," he asked once the door had closed behind them.


"It's about your penis," she replied. "I need to know how often you normally masturbate. When I had to visit the loo earlier, your penis was very hard and I couldn't go. It wouldn't go down so I had to masturbate you, or rather, it."


"Luna!" Harry was hot with mortification.


"What?"


"That... you... I don't want to talk about it!"


She rolled her eyes. "Don't be silly, Harry. It's normal, or it would be if you were in your own body, but even though you're not, it's still a natural body process. I won't tell anyone, Harry. I know you won't tell anyone about my own body, right?"


He blushed, deeply embarrassed -- Luna had seen him naked... and hard!


"Harry?"


He blinked back at her and realised he hadn't answered her.


"No, I won't tell anyone about your body, Luna."


She smiled then, but he still felt humiliated. Girls did not have much to be ashamed of, he thought. You could see how big their tits were and they were all pretty much the same downstairs. Guys, though... he could feel his face growing hotter as he realised she had seen his dick and how tight it was cut and how small it was when it was soft.


"You have a lovely penis," she said softly.


Harry looked at her disbelievingly. She looked down then and frowned.


"Is it always so eager, though? It's starting to get hard again."


"Luna!"


"What?"


He held his breath, and then let it out in a sigh.


"It's probably getting hard because of all the attention. It happens," he admitted. "Regarding... mas... m-wanking -- I'd really rather you didn't. It's not necessary, really. If it's hard again when you need to wee, just wait a few minutes and it'll go down."


"Well, I did that in the bathroom, but it just kept sticking out and I really needed to go," she said. "Honestly, I didn't do it to enjoy it, although, it was quite nice. It's very different from what I know."


He considered this, and suddenly wondered what wanking would be like without a penis. It made him feel... squirmy, but also, he suddenly felt a bit juicy down between his legs. He blinked.


"If it makes you feel better, you go ahead and wank, Harry. I don't mind. My body likes that very much." She smiled dreamily, which made Harry's body look particularly dim-witted.


He sighed. He would be so glad when this was all over.


* * * * * *


"Shove over, Malfoy."


"Piss off. I'm at the edge already."


"Then sleep on the floor like the cur that you are," Ron groused, pushing and surprised to find how solid and heavy his body was. Draco's was lean and flatly-muscled, but it did not have the strength he was used to possessing.


"Like hell, you great oaf. I didn't ask for this. It's your and Potter's faults. Now I'm your prisoner. You had better treat me well."


"I'll treat you like you deserve to be treated," Ron spat.


"What? Cuffs and leg irons? Whips and chains?"


Ron sneered. "We aren't discussing your parents' sex parlour, Malfoy."


"Why you!"


The blow, when it came, shocked Ron. His body had a lot of power. He was surprised to find himself still aware, if with a rapidly swelling jaw.


He grappled for Draco, was surprised again at how little he could move him.


"Nice being in a big oaf's body," Malfoy sneered against his ear. "See how it feels being bullied, Gryffindor!"


Draco easily pushed him off the bed and before Ron could stand, hurled himself on top of him.


"Oof!"


Draco slid a meaty hand around Ron's currently skinny throat and began to squeeze.


"Nice when the tables turn, isn't it?"


Draco paled as he felt a slim, bony-fingered hand grasp his bollocks and squeeze. Ron grinned and it was very odd seeing his own face grinning evilly.


"Yes, it is!"


Draco sneered, "It's not my bollocks that will get crushed."


Ron squeezed again, which jolted him and he nearly let go. "Yeah, and it's not my body that will be dead if you keep going, either."


Malfoy scowled and let him go, pushing away.


"Fine. Leave me be, Weasley. I'm going to sleep. I can't help it your body is enormous. It's not going to be comfortable for either of us, so sleep as best you can. My body doesn't take up so much space," he pointed out, before getting up and stretching himself back on one side of the bed. "Besides, if you weren't so stubborn, you could have had your own room."


"Right, and let you sneak out of here?"


"Wearing this thing?" Draco waved his ankle.


"I don't trust you."


"Fine. Don't trust me all you like, but let me bloody sleep!" Draco punched his pillow for emphasis and turned his back on Ron.


Ron scowled, then sighed, and finally grabbed the pillow and a blanket and made his way to the only door in the room. There were no other exits. He stretched out in front of it and settled down to an uncomfortable sleep.


Draco was filled with gratitude -- Ron had not felt the enormous erection he had gotten during their tussle.


Malfoy had accepted long ago that he was gay and that he had what some felt were deviant desires. It was exceedingly odd, though, even for him, to find himself attracted to his own body being worn by someone else.


* * * * * *


Harry sat in the bath and gave up trying not to stare at his current body. It had been full of surprises from the moment he had begun undressing to bathe.


First, though, he noted that Luna certainly had nothing to complain about. Her breasts were perfect, just the right size for his hand. They were capped with beautifully dusky pink nipples, both with tiny sapphire piercings set in silver.


The tattoo above her heart had been a bit of a shock. It was shaped like a shield with various runes. He had not taken Ancient Runes, so he had no idea what they might mean. There was another tattoo around her belly button that looked like Celtic knot work, done in deep blue with silver outlines. The ring in her navel was a small representation of the diadem of Ravenclaw.


Her beautiful thatch was thick and silky, and, to his shock, dyed a dark rich blue with silver stripes in a distinctly Ravenclaw display. The stud he found piercing the base of her clit was an altogether different display.


The two ends were shaped like golden snitches, wings furled.


He fingered it and groaned at the intense sensation.


He had already figured out peeing, but this...


He had Luna's permission, he remembered, and those oddly slender fingers he currently possessed slid back down between her blue and silver curls, and fingered the piercing. He groaned, which came out sounding rather different in Luna's voice.


He wiggled the piercing and nearly passed out from sensation. Were all women so sensitive?


He did it again and felt his entire body buzz with anticipation. Dear Merlin it was intense! Plus, it wasn't just his penis or Luna's clit that was feeling it, but he could feel the sensations rippling everywhere. Pleasurable tingles seemed to stem from her clit and ran up and down her arms and legs and spine, then down again.


He fought to keep from passing out; he had no desire to be found naked and dead in Hermione's guest bathroom.


To his surprise, the feeling passed and he could feel his body building up to an even higher crescendo, an odd pulsing sensation between his legs, throbbing and making him swoon.


He was too far gone to question it, he merely kept his fingers moving, twirling the snitches and fingering the damp heat where it felt best.


To his great shock and dismay, he had another orgasm and this time had to grit his teeth together to keep from screaming. The next one after it was too much and he yelled lustily.


When it was over, he found himself gasping, fingers still gently rubbing, and to his joy and astonishment, felt Luna's body starting to build up to climax yet again.


He was beyond caring now about whether she had masturbated his body or even if she had walked in and was watching him, or for that matter if the entire household had. This was the most amazing thing he had ever felt before.


All Harry could do was keep rubbing over the bump where the piercing was, and flex his hips, his other hand touching his super-sensitive nipples as he worked for what felt like a truly massive climax. He could scarcely believe all the other ones had been small orgasms; even the gentlest one was far stronger than those he had experienced in his 28 years.


Just before he felt that odd pulsing sensation between his legs, he felt something else, something… odd. He managed to open his eyes to look down.


The last thing he saw before a colossal wave of pleasure engulfed him was the gossamer wings of the snitches unfurling and fluttering over his clit like mad tiny hummingbirds.


* * * * * *


"Did you hear that?"


Hermione shook her head, focused on her husband's weighty cock.


She was so large they could not comfortably have regular sex any more, but there was nothing to keep them from orally pleasuring each other, in her opinion. She had decided to thank her husband for allowing her friends to stay as guests in the nicest possibly way, only partly because the earlier discussion of marital Switching Spells had left her incredibly horny.


"Sounded like somebody shouting," Blaise murmured, letting his head fall back down and fighting to keep from shifting his hips as his wife gave him a wicked blow job.


She slid her lips back from his twitching erection and kissed the head lovingly before sighing, "It was probably Ron and Draco fighting."


Blaise nodded without commenting that it had sounded more like a woman to him. He decided if it had been something important, he would hear about it eventually.


* * * * * *


Breakfast was a subdued affair. Draco's body appeared haggard and unkempt, which was an unusual state of affairs. Ron's body looked crisper somehow, and his normally grubby looking clothes were all sharply creased and bright. His face, however, bore several raw-looking areas and the expression Draco wore was sullen.


Harry's body appeared well-rested and a bit dreamy. Luna's body appeared as it usually did. Hermione wondered if they had shagged. Then she wondered if Harry and Luna were together and wondered why she had not thought to ask before. They were both single, so far as she knew. Right now, she got the distinct impression both were very well satisfied and had enjoyed quite the night.


Ron/Draco dragged more sausage to his plate and he glared at Draco/Ron.


"Some advice for the next time you try to commit suicide, Malfoy, the razor goes against your neck, and I'd thank you to wait to do it until you have your own scrawny body back."


Draco/Ron scowled. "Should have known you were a wuss, Weasley. It's pathetic your body can't even take the presence of a razor. I barely touched your skin and it was scraped raw."


"I don't bloody shave, you wanker," Ron/Draco scowled through a mouthful of sausage, a strange sight on Draco's body. "I use a Depilatory charm. Kinder to the skin."


"Depilatory charms are for poofters," Draco/Ron scoffed, sipping genteelly at his orange juice, a sight that had Hermione watching him, entranced.


Ron/Draco's face suffused with red and he looked about to explode. Luna/Harry broke the tension.


"Stop being silly, Draco. Terry Boot used Depilatory Charms and he slept with almost all the girls in his class. He's married already with four children, too." She looked then to Hermione and asked brightly, "Hermione, do you have any feminine napkins? Harry will probably need some later today or maybe tomorrow."


The rest all looked at Harry/Luna with horror-stricken expressions. Harry/Luna appeared as if he wanted to disappear beneath the Earth's crust. Luna/Harry blinked when he glared at her.


"What?"


* * * * * *


The conversation was even more surreal than the after breakfast discussion he'd had, privately, with Hermione and Luna about more than he ever wanted to know regarding the female menstrual cycle. Ron and Draco were in another room now as he and Luna contacted the Minister.


"You need a few more days then?" Shacklebolt looked concerned.


Harry smiled and nodded. He looked a bit... off to Kingsley, who could not pinpoint just why. Perhaps, it was the oddly dreamy smile on his face.


"Yes. We've tracked Draco to an area full of wards and spells. We ran into a bit of difficulty there, but got out okay. We just know if we keep watch on the area, we'll catch him and find out who's behind all this."


Shacklebolt nodded. "Fine. Just make sure to report every other day, directly to me, Harry."


"Of course, Minister."


Kingsley frowned again. Harry rarely called him by rank. For that matter, Harry rarely sounded so... chipper.


"Are you sure everything is all right, Harry?"


Harry smiled dreamily at him. "Of course! Don't be silly. Everything is going very well."


Shacklebolt frowned, but nodded and the mirror Luna/Harry held went dark.


"Well, that bought us some time," Harry murmured, hoping like hell Kingsley didn't send someone to check up on them after Luna's decidedly peculiar performance.


"What exactly are you planning to do, Harry? You can't really subject Luna's body to potential harm, you know, no matter how important your case is," Hermione pointed out from across the room where she sat.


He sighed, annoyed.


"Hermione, we can't just sit here, either. Malfoy's told us nothing and we need to find out who is making that Prophecy Potion."


"Maybe I could help there," Blaise suggested as he stepped into the room. "I run an import/export company after all. And I have contacts who tell me what items are desired, or restricted, by various governments."


Harry spoke carefully.


"Blaise, are you trying to tell me you conduct illegal business?"


Zabini laughed. "Not at all! You and the entire Ministry could go over all our books and files and find nothing but purely legal transactions. You could check all my fleet's holds for that matter. I am merely saying that it behoves me to be aware of what is a hot commodity. Oftentimes, other opportunities or items, perfectly legal ones, can net me a profit."


Harry shook his head. "I appreciate the offer, but I don't see how--"


Hermione interrupted before her husband grew angry. "Harry. You've got illegal potions going into the country right?"


Harry nodded. "Yeah, but Draco was carrying them. He didn't take a ship or anything."


"No," she agreed, "but whoever is making and bottling them needs potion bottles right? And ingredients?"


He looked at her in surprise, then at Zabini who was beaming at his wife with a level of fondness and affection that made Harry feel as if someone had hit him in the stomach. Would anyone ever look at him that way? He glanced over at Luna, currently wearing his body, and sighed.


He was a runty-looking, unprepossessing figure with dark, shaggy hair and myopic eyes. The glasses on his face with Luna's expression made him look imbecilic. At least, he hoped that it was Luna which gave him that appearance.


"When did the incidents start?"


He looked back as Hermione turned to the desk and pulled out a piece of paper and a fountain pen. She smiled, a familiar fire in her eyes, the one she used to have when preparing for exams.


"I'm sure we can check our inventory for specific imports prior to the start of all this and see if anything matches up."


* * * * * *


Trelawney pulled back from her well-guarded Floo and frowned. Draco had not contacted her as per their arrangement and now he was not answering his Floo.


She shuffled her cards, but nothing came up that seemed useful and she finally put them in her pocket. There were no young witches she could obtain a reading from, although, she loathed having to waste a reading just to find Draco's whereabouts.


Finally, she took up a parchment and wrote down a notice to be placed in the next Western Witch Weekly. The next edition was coming out tomorrow and she might just make the cut off time if she sent off a messenger pigeon that morning.


When she completed her notice, she headed out to the roost.


* * * * * *


Draco scowled at Ron as he watched him finish the tray of pastries and slurp down another cup of tea.


"I'd thank you to remember that's my body you're stuffing full of dough and icing."


Ron blinked, baffled. "So what? I'm hungry."


Draco rolled his eyes. "You can't possibly be hungry. I never eat more than toast and an egg for breakfast. You had a dozen sausages, five eggs, and several pieces of toast, plus most of a teapot all to yourself."


Ron frowned. "You watched what I ate?"


Draco sighed. "What else could the rest of us do? You ate enough for all of us by yourself. It's disgusting! Plus, I'll be as fat as Slughorn if you keep that up and I refuse to let you sully my body in that way."


Ron scowled now. "Are you saying I'm fat?"


Draco looked down his body in an exaggerated way that made Ron grow madder and madder.


"Not fat, but certainly soft. You don't have the body of a proper Auror. You have the body of a sluggard. You have good bones, but you're burying them in lard. You've no muscle, not near enough to what you ought to have. This is a good body, Weasley, and you're ruining it with food and laziness."


"Yeah... well, better than this reedy twig you call a body!" Ron stood now, fists clenched. He was not aware he looked a bit pathetic, rather than imposing. "You're a fine one to speak about not having muscles. I washed you this morning in the shower. I could break you in half."


Draco scowled. "Like what you see, Weasley? At least in one area I have an advantage."


Ron grew brick red. "Yeah, well, your prick might look good all soft, but I bet mine's better and bigger when it's hard."


"It's certainly thicker," Draco assured him, not the least upset. He smiled rather wickedly at Ron now, unaware that the expression on Ron's face was not quite what he was intending. "You've got a fine organ, Weaselbee, but mine's longer. Plus, I have far more control. Or hadn't you thought to wank in the shower and feel what it's like to be a real man?"


* * * * * *


Unable to risk using magic on them, Blaise calmly brought out a Muggle fire extinguisher and turned it on the brawling pair.


Ron and Draco sputtered out foam and outrage at the rest who stood watching in amusement or disgust.


"If you're quite through turning my home into a den for brawling thugs, my wife has some rather interesting news you might like to hear," he intoned silkily, ready with the extinguisher in case he needed to use more on either Ron or Draco.


Hermione glared at them, hands on her hips.


"Not now. Now you are both going to go bathe and then you are coming back and cleaning this mess up by hand."


"Hermione!"


"Mrs. Zabini..."


"Shut it! Both of you! I've had it with your ridiculous chauvinistic posturing. It's pathetic no matter the age of the boys doing it, and in this case, you are both boys, and don't deserve being called men the way you're behaving. Now to the showers with the both of you and you'd best just wear towelling robes when you come back because you are going to clean and polish this room without magic."


"Yes, ma'am," they both intoned, sullen but duly ashamed. Still, Draco could not resist one last volley as they left the room.


"After you bathe, make sure to dress me properly, Weasel. It's disgraceful how slovenly you've made me look."


"Shut up, you wanker, or I'll blacken the other eye."


"Both of you shut up or else I'll stun you, magical backlash be damned, and bathe you both myself!"


* * * * * *


Ron swore every way he knew how as he cleaned himself up and assessed the damage his own fists had made.


Draco's body was black and blue, bearing quite a shiner, and a split lip. He was surprised, though, to see so little damage. Malfoy was so slight; he should have been more badly hurt.


It was an odd feeling to know he was far more powerful in a physical fight, than the boy he had once thought was so dangerous.


Still, he could not let Malfoy's comment lie.


It was bad enough when his brothers teased him for being queer, he could not bear it from someone else, especially not a tow-haired ponce.


* * * * * *


Draco winced as he bathed, feeling the pain in ribs and bollocks. Ron Weasley might be in his body, and that body might be smaller, but he knew how to fight dirty.


He was exceedingly glad, though, once again, that the Weasel had not felt the enormous erection he had gotten when he'd held Ron down to pummel him. Bad enough he was feeling attracted to the man; he could not bear it if Ron discovered it and used it as yet more ammunition.


* * * * * *


It was not until tea time that all were able to properly discuss Hermione's findings.


"See here, about three weeks before the start of what Ron calls the lucky news stories, someone named Billy Wreyts Lane ordered potion bottles and a case of base solution. The order came from just past the area you all were switched. There were similar orders placed by the same Mr. Lane every week thereafter and the amounts have increased."


"Who's Lane, Malfoy," Harry demanded now.


Draco rolled his eyes, a familiar expression if on Ron's face, and sneered. "Bite me, Potter."


"Don't tempt me," Harry riposted with a leer that looked very strange on Luna's face. "Ron's better looking than you."


Blaise, Hermione and Ron all exchanged looks at this but said nothing. Draco was, at first, taken aback, but then he snorted.


"Right. I forgot you and the Weasel probably did a lot of biting together in Gryffindor Tower."


Harry's eyes shuttered. He fought the urge to push up non-existent spectacles.


"Malfoy, if you cooperate, it will go easier on you in the long run. If you continue to be an annoying twit, we'll add on so many charges against you, you won't get out of Azkaban until you're a hundred and fifty."


"I won't speak without immunity."


Ron groaned. Luna and Hermione both nodded. Blaise looked unhappy.


"By saying that, Dray, you've just admitted culpability," he pointed out.


"They've got me already on assaulting two Aurors -- as if," he sneered. "I can't go to Azkaban. It would kill my parents. So if I give you information, you have to promise me, and vow it, that I will not go to Azkaban on account of it."


Ron and Harry looked at each other, Draco and Luna's bodies in a moment of unusual and silent confirmation. They both nodded at the same time.


"Fine. But you will speak to the Minister, and possibly before the Wizengamot."


"Closed session and I'll spill it now," Draco agreed.


"Fine," Harry seethed, but pleased to be able to complete the investigation and, hopefully, to report success to Kingsley during the next Floo call.


Draco sat up, a more impressive gesture in Ron's large body and straightened large shoulders.


"First of all, Billy Wreyts Lane isn't a man, she's a woman, and you know her as Sybill Trelawney."


* * * * * *


The story was almost unbelievable, but Draco responded to each of their questions with equanimity.


He explained how Trelawney had discovered that gypsum weed provided true prophetic visions that could be channelled. She had contacted him after her first vision and given him tips with which he was able to begin restoring his family's fortune. In exchange, he helped her brew the Prophecy Potion and brought it to England to sell. He helped her set up her ranch house and ward it.


He had no idea so many people were getting sick; Trelawney and he had thought only some people had reacted badly to the potion, something that was common to every potion. On this even Hermione agreed. Moreover, he seemed utterly sincere. Luna had even used her Revelatory Detectatori during his questioning and it never once indicated he lied.


Draco had not read the Prophet, so had not seen the news about the illnesses among users of the potion, being solely concerned with finance and his family. He had no control over what happened to the potion once he sold it. He told the buyers that it only worked for witches and that was that. It was not his fault if some wizards tried it and fell ill, nor that it stopped working for witches and they, also, fell ill. He had warned against overuse, which technically covered him against charges of deliberate poisoning or public harm. To his credit, it seemed he had done everything merely in order to help his old school teacher and his family.


"You're still an annoying twerp," Ron iterated after Harry nodded at Hermione's summation of Draco's basic innocence.


"Oh, Ron..."


"No, let him," Draco insisted now, looking to Ron. "He has a huge family and no one cares what becomes of him. He could be an Auror or a basket maker and who would know the difference? I'm my parents' only heir. I couldn't let our Manor be sold to pay the Ministry."


"Narcissa and Lucius live in France anyway," Blaise said now in a gentle voice. "Why would it matter?"


"It matters to me!" Draco's eyes filmed with tears and he looked down at the table. "Our name is all we have. If I sold the Manor... it's like admitting they got the better of us, of my father."


"Yet he left it," Harry pointed out. "You don't even live there."


"But I'd know, Potter. I'd know."


Ron sighed. "Yeah, the Manor is grand, but it's also a dark, nasty place, Malfoy. I was there, held prisoner in seventh year, remember? I know what it's like. You have three other homes that we know of. Your London place, and a home in Upper Flagley, and a seaside cottage in Cardiff. So it's not like your skint. You'd be better off without that drafty, mouldy place."


"Easy for you to say, Weasel," Draco muttered now, having gathered himself. "You have others you can turn to. How many brothers would take you in? How many friends? All I've got are empty houses, and my family."


"Draco," Hermione interrupted now. She was genuinely curious, but also hoping to defuse the tension. "Why did you help Trelawney? I mean, aside from her contacting you and offering to help, was there something more?"


"I just answered that," he told her now. "Family, remember? We don't have a large family, as you know, and many died during the war. Cassandra Trelawney was my mother's great aunt. Sybill Trelawney is a cousin to me."


Ron seemed disturbed. "Well, technically, we're cousins, too."


Draco snorted. "Technically. With about a million kinds of differences." He looked up at Ron now and added pointedly, "You didn't need help and you wouldn't have asked for it from me. She did. I'm going to have to live with having turned her in. Plus... she's not only my cousin, but she treated us all the same in school, regardless of our house. She doesn't deserve what I'm doing."


There was a long silence that even Hermione seemed unwilling to breach. Then, to everyone's surprise, Ron stretched out a currently thin, bony hand and squeezed Draco's currently beefy shoulder.


"We'll go easy on her, Malfoy. It sounds like she got into something she didn't know anything about."


* * * * * *


Harry found Luna as they had all come to expect -- perched on the railing outside, watching the sun setting over the ocean.


"How are you doing?"


"Oh, hi, Harry. I'm fine," she smiled dreamily again.


He wished he could tell her not to do that. It looked far better on her own body than on his.


"I just wanted to tell you I, uh, appreciate you warning me about your, uh, period," he managed to say without blushing to death.


"Oh, did it come? I thought it would," she said brightly. "It's always such a beautiful, mystical time for me. I kind of miss not having it."


Harry squirmed. "Well, I wish you were having it, too. It's... I don't see how you put up with it."


"Don't be silly. It's perfectly natural, Harry. Just like waking up with a fat erection is natural to you."


"Luna," he groaned now.


"What? It is. Isn't it?" She blinked at him guilelessly.


"Well, yes. Um. Maybe we should talk about something else," he muttered.


"If you like. But I'm not embarrassed, and you shouldn't be either. You have a lovely penis, Harry."


He tried to smile. "I'm glad you think so."


"I do. It's so nice and thick and it's easy to keep clean. My father taught me about boys and foreskins, in case I ever have a son of my own, you know. So I thought I might have to deal with all that when we switched bodies, but your penis is very easy to care for. A bit odd-looking, but it's still quite lovely."


Harry managed a pained smile. "Yes, well. I had no choice in that. My aunt did it not long after I went to live with them."


Her eyes went wide. "Your aunt circumcised you?"


"No! No, no, no! She took me to the surgeon and had it done. She'd had Dudley done, my cousin, you see, and she didn't want him to have any questions about me being different. Plus, like you noted, she thought it was cleaner for boys."


"Oh. I thought you might have chosen to have it done. Some men do. It makes them less sensitive so they can have sex longer."


Harry felt himself blushing furiously again. "Er, no. I didn't. I wouldn't have, either. It's something that's always made me feel different... and I'm already different enough."


"Oh!" She seemed a bit nonplussed, and then took his hand in her own, currently heavier ones. "Well, when you have your body back, you can always go to a healer and have it grown back, you know."


He frowned. "They can do that?"


"Of course, silly! Those men I mentioned that have it done -- sometimes when they get older they want to get more sensitive again, so they have it regrown. It doesn't take long. Any healer can do it. Don't they tell boys these things?"


Harry shook his head. "I guess if you ask questions, but not too many guys want to ask about their bits, if they're generally working okay."


She nodded thoughtfully.


"Well, at least you know about it now. Oh, and Harry, don't forget tonight--"


"Yes, yes. An extra pad, put a towel on the bed and, erm, a hot water bottle if I cramp. Aren't there potions I could take instead?"


"I rarely cramp," Luna shrugged. "I usually make sure to have a nice orgasm at least twice a day during my period. It stops the cramping, at least for me. Just be sure to have a good orgasm tonight, Harry."


"Maybe I should come back," Hermione enquired, stepping out on to the deck with a tray of drinks and sandwiches.


"No," Harry said hurriedly, stepping up to take the tray from her hands and set it down, glad to take a drink and cool his flushed face.


"Truly, Harry," Luna insisted. "Go ahead and masturbate tonight. It really does help."


"Oh, poor thing," Hermione commiserated, before the red-faced Harry could speak. "Cramps?"


Luna nodded. "I rarely get them, but then I make sure to have a couple good orgasms every day during."


Hermione nodded. "Yes. She's right, Harry. You should at least take something positive with you from this experience."


"I know I appreciate learning about a boy's body," Luna agreed. "You have such different orgasms than we do."


He finally looked up at this, wondering what she thought, and Luna looked a touch apologetic.


"I'm so sorry you can only have one at a time! They're not quite as intense, either, but it is interesting to feel yourself spunking. And it's so nice to have something to hold onto when you're having one! Your bollocks are especially nice to cuddle, Harry. Do you cuddle them when you wank?"


Harry's head thumped against the table in mortified misery as she finished brightly, "If you don't, you should try it. It feels really nice, and you really do have lovely genitals, Harry."


* * * * * *


The next morning, Hermione startled everyone over breakfast by crying out, "Hah!" and waving her copy of Western Witch Weekly.


"Listen to this: Scared and alone? Forsaken by your family for an indiscretion? Come to Billy Lane. Use your inner eye, or follow the ley lines directly south from the high mount to my valley of serenity, where I can help you find a new path."


"I remember those," Blaise said, hand to his lips in thought. "You were making fun of the concept what... two weeks ago, Hermione?"


She nodded. "Yes. Divination is so woolly and this just seemed so contrived... come to think of it, it should have clued me in. Trelawney was always going on about the inner eye."


"Well, I wouldn't call her a fraud -- it was her prophecy that helped Potter."


"Her prophecy made my life a living hell," Harry scowled.


"Yes, but it was a real one. I heard she made more than one."


"She did," Harry admitted grudgingly. "She predicted the night Voldemort returned... and she was right."


"She was right about my family and about how to invest the little money we had left," Malfoy pointed out.


"Yes, but you said she stopped prophesying."


Malfoy looked pained. "The potion stopped working after the first few tries. But it still worked on other witches."


"That's why this advert!" Hermione suddenly cried. "She needs a new witch right now, to give them that potion and prophecy for her."


Malfoy nodded miserably, clearly feeling guilt.


"Draco," said Harry suddenly, "how many young women were coming to her?"


He shrugged. "Not many. Word of mouth is slow out here, most American wizards rely on the pigeon service and the families are more progressive. There is less stigma here for young women in trouble. She got enquiries from young wizards, at first, hoping for help, but for some reason the potion doesn't work on them. So she reworded her advert and had me ward the place so only witches and myself could step onto her grounds."


"How many, though, came?"


"She'd get a few enquiries per notice, and usually only one would actually suit her purposes. Only a few witches have actually prophesied for her so far. They were well compensated for it. Sybill gave them enough to start over some place else. She would tell me of them when I came to visit, but I only saw one or two."


"So it's possible no one has answered her advert yet."


Draco nodded. "Yes. It usually would take a bit before anyone responded. She didn't really need much prophesying. One witch could do at least three sessions and each session would be enough for awhile, if she was properly directed."


Harry turned to Hermione. "Would you be interested in helping the Ministry, Mrs. Zabini? You'd be well compensated."


* * * * * *


"Honestly, Blaise -- it's perfectly harmless, even during pregnancy. So long as she only takes one dose, it shouldn't cause any problem at all," Draco insisted. "You know how good my Potions marks were."


"I still don't want her to have any."


Ron sighed at Zabini who was looking instead at Harry, who was in turn watching Luna worriedly.


Zabini had refused to allow his wife to assist unless they contacted the local authorities to inform them of the operation. Since Ron and Harry had yet to let anyone know of their current predicament, and had no desire to ever do so, they had to allow Luna to speak for them to both Kingsley and then the local constabulary.


Fortunately, Kingsley's position allowed him to intercede and smooth the way, something he did as soon as he heard they had found the source of the potion. It was the best news he had heard for some time, even if his field Aurors had to give Malfoy immunity in exchange for the information.


Unfortunately, Luna was blissfully unaware of Harry's normal body language and style of communicating.


Hence, Kingsley was also currently making plans to ensure Potter got a nice long leave upon his return, since clearly he needed a vacation, and the local Wizarding community's sheriff had gotten the impression that the infamous Harry Potter was as queer as feet on a garden snake.


Luna was completely ignoring the sheriff's innuendo, which had turned to flirting, which had become outrageous suggestions and overly broad hints that all sailed clear over her unruffled head. Harry was groaning and trying to stay positive, despite the fact the feminine napkin he currently wore felt like the adhesive was attached to his short hairs.


Draco and Ron were, strangely enough, of one mind. They found the situation terribly amusing and both were snickering in tandem. Hermione, on the other hand, was practising her birthing breathing as she waited for the lady sheriff and Luna/Harry to finish talking.


This entailed her making "hee, hee, hee, ha, ha, ha" sounds that added to the surreal situation and made Harry want to pull his hair out and scream, except that he was currently in Luna's body and he thought she had quite lovely hair and had no desire to pull any of it out. Plus, there was no way Harry Potter would ever issue a girly scream, he swore to himself.


* * * * * *


It was finally decided for Draco to bring "Jane Puckle" to Trelawney as a girl from home needing help the next day. Hermione had let Luna dye her hair and eyebrows a lustrous copper shade, and her eyelashes a dusty blonde, in preparation.


Harry had worked out the details with Ron and Draco until any contingency that he could think of could be covered. Luna, Ron and he were going, too, once Draco adjusted the wards, in a Disillusioned state. Blaise was remaining outside the wards with the sheriff.


In deference to Zabini's wishes, Harry was to try to arrest Trelawney before Hermione took the potion. The operative word, he knew, was "try."


Draco was working out what to tell Sybill when she asked what had happened. Part of his story would be about having run into a young woman needing help, and Ron had the ingenious idea of allowing the black eye be part of it -- that he had dived in to help her from an abusive man, taking the punch he'd meant for her.


It still made him uneasy to betray her. It was a deeply ingrained aspect of Slytherin house to never betray one's own, neither House nor family. Trelawney was not a Slytherin, but she was family.


To his surprise, Ron seemed to understand, for the Auror was not his usual annoying self, but was being considerate and more gentle in manner than Draco would have credited as possible.


This in turn made him look more closely at Ron. He had already conceded that he found the gruff man attractive; it was his bane to fall for large, heavy-boned men, and Ron was exceedingly fit, despite his prior disparaging comments. Draco had never bothered to examine this penchant, figuring it might be distasteful to learn he was seeking a father figure, but in fact, it never occurred to him that he was seeking a protector.


His whole life he had been coddled and protected by his family, but for the last ten years he had been mostly on his own, struggling and trying his best to cleanse the Malfoy name in the Wizarding world. He longed for the days when his father and Professor Snape had both been the bulwarks of his young life. Protected by father and Head Of House, he had thrived. Now, he faltered.


He had managed, but not on his own, to regain his family's footing, to secure their fortune, to begin cleansing the taint from their name. This had been Sybill's work, however, not his own. It humbled him.


It did not occur to him that humble Draco was a man that others might want to know very much -- not because they appreciated his misery, but because it made him human and approachable, two aspects he had not cultivated whilst at Hogwarts.


For his part, Ron was impressed by Draco's new earnestness. He was still a prat, but at least he was a more honest and likable one.


The fact remained that Ron Weasley had a protective streak a mile wide and living so intimately in Draco's very skin for the last couple days had taught him just how fragile the man truly was. It could not help but colour his view and for the first time, he did not feel Draco meant him harm. If anything, he had unconsciously added the slim, blond man to the list of those he meant to safeguard.


* * * * * *


"Tell me again, dear -- what was your family name?"


"Puckle," Hermione answered quickly, then cupped her belly with a palm and hung her head as if ashamed. "I'm afraid I'm a bit of a disappointment to them."


Trelawney nodded sagely behind her thick glasses and poured a cup of tea for her visitor. She had bidden Draco to attend to the wards after he had greeted her and explained his absence, introducing her to Hermione, so they were currently alone.


"Yes, a pity when family cannot see past injured pride. Still, that is why I, Mistress Lane am here. I was called to this place to help young witches such as you, to help you find a new path and make a fresh start with your feet firmly in the hands of destiny."


"What an interesting metaphor," managed Hermione with a pained smile.


"Thank you," Sybill smiled, then sipped her own tea. "Drink up, dear. A bit of bracing tea is best before the potion -- opens the pathways."


Hermione obediently sipped her tea, a plain and uninspiring Darjeeling, she noted, as Trelawney retrieved a bottle from her desk.


She knew Harry and Ron would make their move soon - or rather Draco and Luna acting as Harry and Ron. Once Trelawney gave her the potion, they could make their arrest.


* * * * * *


Once outside, Draco had removed the Disillusion spell and lowered the wards, then sent a silent line of red sparks up into the sky as notification.


He and Ron waited for their signal to re-enter the house. Somewhere in the field past the wards, the sheriff was probably already coming toward the house with Zabini. Somewhere in the house, Harry waited with Luna.


Nerves shot through him and he rubbed at his huge, hair-covered arms. The sensation was so strange and different from his smooth skin and thin arms.


"Okay?"


He looked over and nodded at Ron, who waited with his wand drawn.


* * * * * *


Luna was waiting for Harry's order. She knew it would be soon, since they were hoping for Hermione to not have to drink the potion. Even if a single dose would do no harm, Blaise did not want her to go through that.


Luna wished she could take the potion. She would not mind experiencing a prophetic vision.


She decided to pluck a leaf from the plant before they left and try it sometime. Once would not hurt, per Draco and Hermione, and she trusted their potions knowledge.


* * * * * *


Hermione watched Sybill pour some Prophecy Potion into her now empty tea cup and gamely picked up the delicate china. She smiled at Sybill and waited for Ron and Harry to jump into action.


Nothing happened.


* * * * * *


Harry was struggling to pull the adhesive on the feminine napkin off of the pubic hair near his arse. He had put up with it since earlier, unable to do anything without being obvious, and suffering in misery. They were Disillusioned, now, however, and Sybill was busy and Hermione couldn't see and Luna wouldn't care, so he had worked his hand under his skirt and was trying to pull the offending item free of delicate skin.


He wondered why witches did not bother with sticking charms instead of this torture as he contorted himself and tried to keep tabs of proceedings at the same time. The bloody napkin refused to budge and he winced as his fingers poked into delicate areas. He pursed his lips and began again, grasping the edge of the bloody thing firmly.


It ripped free with a sound he hoped he had muffled. Unfortunately, it had also ripped out some hairs and what felt like a strip of skin, but Harry managed to bite his lip and remain silent. The pain was intense, but brief and he was relieved when he felt the stupid thing settle down properly and stick to his knickers instead of his skin.


"Finally," he quietly sighed.


Naturally, Luna took this as the signal.


* * * * * *


"Stupefy!"


Hermione blinked as Trelawney fell to the floor, stunned, and Luna came into view, followed by a frantic-looking Harry. Then the sip of potion she had necessarily taken began to make her head swim.


She found her head getting very heavy and she lifted it, even as her mouth fell open and her eyes grew dilated.


"Shite!" Harry's expression grew grim. "Luna, go get Blaise and the rest. Hurry!"


He cradled Hermione in thin, graceful arms, which were far stronger than they looked. To his surprise, Luna's arms easily held up the heavier, currently bulkier Hermione.


"Hermione? Can you hear me? It's Harry."


She smiled beatifically at him and her voice came out strangely, sounding deeper and more resonant. "Harry! Your life will be a melody, with many blossoms and one last chance."


He smiled back worriedly, nodding. "Uh huh. Whatever you say."


Ron and Draco ran into the room and she turned to them, reaching her hands out for them tearfully. They frowned, stepping up to each take one of her hands. She pulled them together in front of her and made them clasp hands.


"Take what you've been given. Disentangle yourselves from the old to begin anew and make the most of it all. Above all, take chances."


Draco's eyes widened at the sound of her voice, a resonant tenor quite unlike Hermione's normal tones.


"She's taken the potion."


"What? Oh, no!" Ron clutched at him then and it did not surprise him when Draco tightened his hand around him in return. "Hermione? Are you okay?"


"I am blessed. I bear life. I will give life to those who need it most and whom I love."


"Hermione!"


Blaise suddenly rushed into the room and she turned her hugely dilated eyes toward him.


"My beloved," she smiled, then caressed his face. "The bright new house will be your pride, a golden shining star your comfort, and a honeybee will bring us great joy when we most need it, as well as come with unexpected wisdom."


"Oh, Hermione," he replied, stricken as he took her from Potter.


"Billy Wreyts Lane," began the sheriff, bending over Trelawney's Stupefied form. "Also known as Sybill Trelawney, you are under arrest."


"Sybill will know contentment once she finds family and her place in life," Hermione continued to prophecy, mumbling quietly now into Blaise's shoulder.


"Are you taking her into custody?" Harry looked from Hermione now in concern. "She's our suspect, and this case is under our jurisdiction."


"Once those wards dropped I saw what she's got planted in those fields. Poppy and cannabis are illegal crops in this country, young miss," the sheriff responded to Harry who suddenly remembered he was still in Luna's body.


"I'll have to consult with our Ministry. I'm not sure they'll allow her imprisonment. She'll likely be extradited to England."


"It won't hurt her any to wait in a jail cell here," the sheriff insisted, wondering why the wispy looking blonde was doing the talking for Potter and his partner. Was she an attorney?


Draco stepped up. "My cousin was not deliberately growing anything but flowers and what she was told were natural herbs for healing potions. She's not an herbalist herself. She ordered the plants and planted them. She may be gullible, but she is not culpable."


Luna nodded now. "Yes. She's not very bright, but she's also not a mean person."


"Mr. Potter, is that the best you can come up with? She's not a mean person?"


Luna blinked. "She was helping young women who got in trouble and growing herbs for healing. She helped her cousin regain his footing in our world and recoup his family money. Does that sound like a crime lord or whatever you call them here, to you?"


Harry winced, but waited to see what the sheriff would say. After a tense moment, when he was preparing to cast a non-verbal Imperio, she finally nodded with a sigh.


"Well, all right. It wouldn't be worth the extra paperwork for me anyway."


"Oh, thank you!" Luna reached over and hugged the stunned sheriff, then skipped over to Harry, who tried not to wince.


The sheriff shook her head regretfully, watching Luna in Harry's body.


"I guess it's the same everywhere. They're either married, gay or priests."


* * * * * *


There was one last bit of excitement as they were leaving Trelawney's ranch house, Harry now holding Trelawney under Petrificus Totalus as Blaise carried his woozy wife to where he could Apparate with her to their home.


Draco and Ron followed Zabini, but a strange and ominous sound made Draco pause, only to see a snake slither up, hissing by his feet.


"Don't move," Ron ordered, reaching for his wand.


Draco shook his hand, unconcerned. "Don't worry, Weasley. No self-respecting snake would dare bite a Slytherin."


The rattler made to strike and suddenly Draco felt his body flying, even as he felt the impact from the flying tackle Ron made.


It impressed him deeply in the split second before he hit the ground, considering their relative sizes and Ron's heavy bulk. Then he was on the ground and hurting, but not from snake bite.


Ron was atop him, holding him down with one hand whilst the other waved his wand to flick the Stupefied rattler far away.


Then the spell ended and Draco felt an intense sensation of vertigo that ended with him looking down on Ron Weasley, finally back in his own body.


Ron blinked up at him, then smiled slightly. Draco nodded, but not before he could feel the erection he had, and the answering throb of one beneath him.


"I guess we're back to normal then?"


Malfoy sighed, slowly getting up. To his surprise Ron seemed to be in no hurry, either. He could feel the warmth from the larger man's body and, to his astonishment, a glimmer of what looked like desire in his eyes. His voice was even when he spoke, though.


"Yes. Whatever passes for normal."


* * * * * *


Trelawney was dropped as the spell ended and Harry's concentration was broken.


Fortunately, she fell on the carpet in her living room, but it still made Harry feel a bit bad.


He was very glad to be back in his own body, however, and when Luna blinked the initial dizziness away and then beamed at him delightedly, he could not help it. He had to lean over and kiss her.


She did not pull away. In fact, she put her hand into his free one and held it firmly, then slid the other one up and over his face.


"Oh, that's better," she said with a smile. "Those bones feel better on you than on me."


He nodded, readjusting Trelawney with a flick of his wand.


"Yes. No offence, Luna, but I never want to be in your body again."


She sighed, looking a bit sad and he admitted softly, "Well, at least not that way."


She looked up at him with her huge, blue eyes and a playful gleam entered them.


"So you would like to be in my body then, Harry? Without a spell?"


He leaned over and kissed her again.


"I'd love to," he replied huskily.


* * * * * *


Hermione turned out to be all right to the relief of all involved.


Blaise got the quartet aboard one of his ships for the four day trip back home; the ships comprising his fleet were swift and sure in the stillness of the deep without the waves and weather to deal with.


Soon, Ron and Draco were in adjoining staterooms, and Harry and Luna were in their own adjoining rooms... but not for long.


* * * * * *


The knock came from the door leading to his adjoining room. Harry expected Luna wished to speak with him.


He did not expect to find her standing pertly nude and smiling brightly at him.


"Luna..."


"I was hoping you'd want to have sex," she said so cheerfully that he had to smile.


"I would like nothing better," he admitted, before stepping up and taking her into his arms.


* * * * * *


The door to their adjoining cabins opened without warning, and Draco pulled his hand from his cock and glared at Ron as he threw the sheet over his crotch.


"What the devil are you doing? You didn't even knock!"


"You didn't even ask!" Ron pointed at Draco's obvious erection rearing beneath the sheet. "I could hear you in there, you know."


Draco blinked, then groaned. "Oh, bloody hell -- it's one of the possible side effects of that damn spell. Your hearing is enhanced. It should fade."


Ron did not look mollified.


"It doesn't matter, you were... taking care of yourself. I thought you were interested in me."


Malfoy blinked, startled anew.


"I... it hadn't occurred. I thought you were asleep. I'm sorry."


"Yeah, well I'm here now. What do you plan to do?"


Draco studied Ron's belligerent stance and suddenly realised the red-head wasn't being deliberately argumentative. He was trembling, probably from anxiety and fear. They had not had much in the way of civil conversations in the past, either. Ron probably felt arguing was the only way for them to communicate.


"First, I would ask that you undress. I feel silly being the only one naked," Draco said calmly.


Much as he expected, Ron swiftly began to pull his clothes off, throwing them on the end of the bed.


Draco thought he had seen Ron when he had worn his body, but he was wrong. Gazing on the man from his own perspective was truly stunning.


"I stand corrected," he breathed softly, letting his eyes rake over Ron's tall form. "You're not very soft at all. What a beautiful body you have, Weasley."


"If you call me that again, I'm leaving."


"Fine, Ron then. Or do you prefer Ronald?"


"I'd prefer getting on with this."


"Eager, eh?" Draco smiled, standing to meet his newfound lover.


"I haven't wanked since before we switched bodies," Ron hissed out, half-angry, half-anxious.


This pulled Draco up short. "Why not?"


"Seemed... wrong."


Malfoy shook his head. "Gryffindors. So noble."


Without warning, he grabbed Ron and pushed him over the small dining table in the room. "Stay like that."


Ron's fingers clenched on the wood and wondered what Malfoy intended.


"I've never been fucked," he muttered anxiously.


"Good. But that's not what I had in mind, Ron," Draco murmured, just before parting his arse cheeks and sliding his tongue deep into the furrow.


"Gah!"


"Mm."


Ron's head spun as Draco licked his opening from top to bottom, then wriggled his tongue into the opening. He had never felt anything like it.


Then Draco gently bit at the edges of his cleft and licked the bitten area. Ron tensed.


"You have a lovely arse, Ronald. I'm going to enjoy it."


Draco continued to lick and occasionally bite him, not just his cleft, but his buttocks, each time licking the bitten area tenderly until Ron thought he might pass out from the sensations.


"What a delicious man you are," Draco murmured, before urging Ron to turn. Bright blue eyes stared at him, stunned, and he smiled. "I think I would very much like you to fuck me now."


With that, Draco handed him a small pot of lubricant. Then he cupped his own bollocks and smiling at Ron, cupped his arse, murmuring, "Agitosemis."


Ron felt a slight tingle in the crease of his arse. He watched with awe as Draco bent over the table, displaying his fine, white arse. He was not sure how long he'd last. He was very close after all that. He also wondered what the spell Draco had used was, but sensed it was not anything harmful.


He dipped his fingers in the pot and began to gently apply it to Draco's pucker.


"Oh, bother with that, Ronald. Spread some on your cock and roger me properly!"


"Pushy bottom," Ron muttered, doing as Draco insisted and sliding right in, deep into Malfoy's arse.


Draco moaned and Ron began to thrust.


"Harder!"


"I'll come if I do," Ron threatened, feeling his orgasm already boiling up within him, his bollocks tightening.


"Dammit, then come and when you're done, shove your fist in me!"


Draco arched his back and clenched at the table and Ron saw red.


He roared as he pumped his spunk deep into Draco's arse, cock twitching with each spurt.


When his vision cleared, he remembered what Malfoy had said, noted he was twitching and mewling, clearly hungry for reaming.


Ron pursed his lips, took the lubricant and pressed three fingers inside Draco's glistening hole.


"More!"


He curled all four fingers and slid them in and Draco half-turned, a maniacal gleam in his eyes.


"Dammit! I said fist me and I meant it! Shove your fist in and make me feel it. Make me come!"


Ron groaned, then curled his large hand into a fist and carefully slid it in and out a few times.


"Yes! Yes!"


Ron smiled, pleased with Draco's reaction. He carefully rotated his wrist, causing Draco to writhe and mewl. Then he slid in to the forearm and twisted his fist.


Draco froze, arched, and then screamed as he convulsed, coming.


Ron gently thrust his fist and turned it from time to time, feeling Malfoy's arse clench around him, amazed at how warm and tight it was, and how very close he felt to Draco. He glanced around Draco's body and was startled to see his long cock twitching convulsively, but nothing shooting out of it. He frowned.


"Oh, Merlin..." Draco sounded drained.


Ron pulled his fist from him and straightened, then frowned. He felt a warm trickling sensation from his own arse.


"Draco?"


"Merlin's balls, yes. Bend over again, so I may do the honours," Draco said tiredly, but fervently.


Ron used Draco's wand to cleanse his hand, then bent over as requested. What was Draco going to d--


"Cripes!"


Draco had spread his cheeks as before, and was now licking and slurping and nibbling at his opening.


"Oh, but I love this taste," Draco murmured, his soft lips against Ron's sensitive tissue making him twitch.


Draco did not stop until he had removed every bit of his spunk from Ron's arse, digging his pointed tongue deep into Ron's opening. Then he pulled back, took his wand and used it to fastidiously cleanse Ron's arse of spit.


Ron turned as Draco used it on his own mouth, to cleanse and refresh it.


"What the hell was that spell you used?"


Malfoy smiled wickedly. "Like it? It transferred my spunk to your arse, so I could eat it out."


"Merlin, you're a sick puppy, Malfoy," Ron admitted with not a little admiration. Then he smiled, taking any sting out of his words. "I like that in a man."


Draco's smile was resplendent as he stepped up to kiss his new lover.


* * * * * *


The next morning found all four smiling in a particularly gormless fashion over their breakfast. Harry and Luna's smiles to each other grew particularly vacuous when Harry mentioned his having visited the ship's healer and made an appointment for some procedure which made Luna giggle, then, oddly, blush. Ron decided not to enquire. Draco drank only tea, opting to cut back on meals until he returned to the weight to which he was more accustomed.


A rather subdued Trelawney joined them at one point, merely greeting them and then sitting and pecking at her grapefruit with little obvious appetite. Harry and Ron were not sure what to say to her. Draco looked pensive.


Luna saved them all the bother.


"Professor Trelawney, I've been wanting to thank you."


Sybill blinked nervously behind her huge spectacles at Luna. "Oh?"


Luna smiled brightly. "Yes. Without your drug trafficking, Harry and I and Ron and Draco, would never have come together. So thank you."


Ron's mouth fell open, and Harry and Draco smiled. Trelawney relaxed, clearly relieved.


"H-how did you know," Ron asked her in astonishment.


She giggled. "Don't be silly, Ronald! Hermione prophesied about you, remember? Besides, the love between you both is practically glowing."


She bit into her toast and beamed at them. Ron and Draco exchanged stunned glances. Love? Could it be honest-to-goodness love and not just some wild fancy?


"I just wonder," Luna mused, "what Hermione meant, Harry, about your life being a melody with many blossoms."


"And one last chance," Harry nodded, completing the prophecy and as curious about it as Luna.


* * * * * *


Epilogue...



The four would always look back on those events as the time that had blessed them beyond imagining.


Seeing Draco firmly believed in Hermione's potion-induced prophecy, Ron did not fight it when Malfoy came to court him, formally. They took what they were given, not the least of which was love, and faced their families together.


The Weasleys only increased their teasing, but it was fond teasing, not mean-spirited, so Draco permitted it with a minimum of fussing. To his relief, his own father said nothing after his mother noted of Ron, "Well, at least he's a Pureblood."


Together, they sold his empty palatial manor that neither he nor his parents could bear to live in and invested the monies. They lived in Draco's London home and summered at his cottage in Cardiff.


When Lucius delicately enquired about heirs after a few years, they were surprised when Hermione offered to surrogate for them, and, again, they took the chance they were given.


So it was that, during those months her own children were away at school, she bore them Mercedes Belladonna Malfoy, and Graham and Grace Weasley, followed by Severus Lucius Malfoy. There were no prouder fathers in all of England, with the possible exception of Harry.


Luna was very fertile, indeed. By the time they returned to England, Luna was pregnant.


Melody Lovegood-Potter became the light in their lives for the next few years as they set up house and worked out the details of their disparate careers, what with Harry being a busy Auror and Luna going out of country on expeditions. Melody became their touchstone, the one who flit back and forth between mother and father and kept either from missing the other too much.


She was almost about to attend Hogwarts when their careers finally settled down, and Luna conceived almost immediately again. Lily was followed by Poppy, who was in turn followed by Lavender, and then Heather and Jasmine. The Lovegood-Potters turned heads everywhere they went with their beautiful raven-haired elder daughter, and their varied blossoms with hair ranging from blonde to brunette and even one auburn-haired beauty in Lily.


Little Jasmine had just started Hogwarts and Luna was certain she would have no more children when it happened one last time, giving Harry his Quidditch team, as well as, his son. Chance Lovegood-Potter had Harry's hair, but Luna's luminous blue eyes and fine ivory skin. He was never without admirers most of his life.


Xavier Zabini was, indeed his father's pride and joy. Little Zarathustra became his comfort when the cares of the world weighed him down, and eventually, took over the business as her brother studied medicine and became a world-famous healer.


After Zara had left for school, and not long after a tragic and unexpected accident that stole the lives of both Blaise and Hermione's parents in one fell swoop, they discovered Hermione was pregnant again.


Little Albus helped bring joy back into their sad lives and along with him came his very unexpected twin, Minerva, who, to their delight, turned out to be a metamorphmagus.


Trelawney did see the error of her ways (or at least the difficulty of being a drug lord) and with testimony from Draco and Harry, the charges against her were lessened and she was charged a fine and paid it. She did not return to the States, but chose to remain in England, where she opted to write books about the fine art of Divination, and one very popular book on herbal gardening.


When her fortunes grew scant in later years, she finally sold the land she still had in California. Thanks to a premium on land, the acreage was worth a mint, and she was able to comfortably retire.


Thereafter she enjoyed her visits from her godchildren... as Ron and Draco had asked her to be godmother to their brood since she was the reason they had found one another.


~ THE END ~


post A/N:


Re: Hermione's fake name.


The name Xavier means bright new house.


Zarathustra means a golden shining star.


Dumbledore means honeybee, but that name was too long, so Albus had to do.


Minerva, of course, means wisdom.


Gypsum weed (Datura stramonium) is a plant to be avoided at all costs and never ingested, even on a lark. I decided to use it for this story because I felt it would be interesting for there to be a hallucinogenic plant that affected Muggles and Wizarding folk differently. Info about its dangers as a drug can be found here:
http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/jimson-weed






Don't forget to go back to the community to comment!